to be brave: a guest post by Brianna Farr

I asked Brianna to write a post for my blog because she is easily the most wide-open love kinda gal I've ever met. Our paths were crossed by a mutual friend, but she and I agree that our stories were woven intricately and similarly long before we knew each other's name. She's my soul sister, in every sense of the word. She loves Memphis, Tennessee and people, and she has heart as distinguishable as her accent and laugh. I've never seen someone dive straight into hard and ugly situations, and immerse the hurting in love and grace. She's pretty cool, and I think you'll think so too when you read what she loves to write about most--Jesus and saying yes to all that he has for us, no matter how hard or grueling, because she believes that he is worthy.

 This afternoon your girl Cameron texted me and asked if I would do her two favors. The first favor she asked of me was to write her "About" page. The second favor was for me to write a guest post for her blog. The favor is mine. I simply asked that in return she give me time to pray over the words and be sure they were from Jesus. I expected this to take a week at the least. As usual, God didn't quite agree with my timing. Within an hour "About Cameron" was written, submitted, and posted. I had no intentions of writing my guest post tonight considering it is nearing midnight, but as I lay my head down to sleep I knew I had to. He has given me the words, and I will share them with you now.

It was brave of Cameron to go to Kenya when she was a mere 13 years old. She was just as brave to go to Memphis, Tennessee at age 15. At first this doesn't seem logical. How is it that it can take as much bravery to drive nine hours in a bus on land as it does to fly 9 hours in a plane across the ocean? How is it that loving on American children with guardians can be as important as loving on African orphans? Then you realize that to follow Jesus, wherever it may be, takes bravery. A fearlessness you can only obtain in knowing Him. That no one people is more needy than another. All people have one great need and that great need is a personal relationship with Christ.

{"Human clay is not closer to porcelain in certain places, certain cultures, certain ages, than in others. What do we mean when we speak of one people as being more "needy" than another? What do we mean by "savage"? Man has one desperate need. It is God." - Elisabeth Elliot, The Savage My Kinsman.}

When Cam first agreed to come to Memphis with me I must admit that I was far from fearless. I was afraid she wouldn't see the needs at hand after seeing Kenya's slums. Oh, was I wrong. She dove in, heart first. I sat by and watched her fall in love all over again. Because it was never Kenya that changed her to begin with, and Memphis wasn't going to change her either. It was Jesus. All that time, it was Jesus.

How brave it is to love whomever He loves, wherever He leads. To look into the eyes of street kids from one side of the planet to the other and see nothing other than Jesus. To hear Swahili in one land and hear English or Spanish in another and hear nothing other than desperate pleas for the Savior's love. To smell no stink, to taste no sickness, to love like Jesus. That's brave. That's what Cameron is in Jesus. That's who we all can be, in Jesus.



I could tell you all about her divine appointment, but I won't. That's a story no one but Cameron can tell. What I will tell you is this:It doesn't take a special person, though Cam is one, to be brave. It takes a willing person. A surrendered person. And if we will just surrender, we will have ample opportunities to love like Jesus.

Stop right where you are. Yes, right here and right now. Give it up. Quit fighting Him. Whatever He is calling you to do, go do it. If you are supposed to invite your neighbor to dinner, go ring their doorbell. If you are supposed to wash the dishes for your grandmother, go run the water and add the soap. If you are supposed to move to Indonesia, get off your butt and head to the airport. If you are supposed to be a pastor, start applying. The time to be brave is here. The time to be fearless is now. Right now, in the moment in which He is calling you.

If He called Cameron to Kenya at 12, He will call you now. If He called me to Memphis at 14, He will call you now. Trust in Him. That's the best advise I can give you. None of us were made to be conformists. We were made to praise God, to follow Jesus. Don't tell me that this isn't as easy is it sounds, because trust me, I know. I also know that when you follow Jesus, you won't regret it. And if what He's calling you to doesn't seem logical, it's probably real.

scarlet threads of blood & grace

I don't have much use for sugar-coating things, so I'll be really honest with y'all. 

I don't know how to write about my life and how cancer is effecting it any more than the next gal does. If you ask me how I'm doing, I don't know how to answer you. I mean, most likely I'm doing my routine and my day is going fairly well. 

Under all of that, I also don't know at the moment what's going on in the parts of my soul, right where the always-present weight of my mom's cancer sits. I don't know if today I'll spend a lot of time obsessively worrying about her, or if I'll fall to pieces tonight in my room. I don't know if someone's harsh tone will make me tear up, or if a to-do list will make it hard for me to breathe.

I don't know if I'll only think about cancer a little bit today, and if I'll take mean words with a grain of salt. I may get a lot done in a short amount of time just because I want to, and sappy moments on TV shows could make me laugh just because they're so darn sappy.

Are you confused yet?

Welcome.

In the midst of this mental chaos and heart-churning confusion, there is one place that the noise of condolences, social media, and mundane routines is silenced: when I just look up.

When I look up and see all that he is and all that he wants for me, suddenly a diagnosis and sickness from treatments don't weigh so heavy on my whole body. I am alive because this is not all that life is; he has more for me, and most importantly, he is for me.

This Jesus, powerful and blessed, is not against me. He has every reason to hate me, this hot-tempered girl with a heart quick to writhe in bitterness, but he loves me. He is for me; never against me. In the shadows lurking around every bend in this road, the same Jesus that hung on a cross and rubbed his fingers on a blind man's eyes walks before me and behind me. His scarred hands hold mine, and when my legs are tired and my heart is worn and I fall on the path and cry until I think I can't cry anymore, he sits with me there, too.

I think these may be some of the hardest days of my life. This continual grieving, the lapping waves of sadness, the perpetual adjusting to my new normal--it makes every day hard, and some are even harder than others for no reason identifiable. 

I think these may be some of the sweetest days of my life. This resting in Jesus' lap, being invited into a throne room of glory and being asked to just sit and be with him--it makes every day a pill possible to swallow; it reminds me that this journey is impossible to walk in darkness if I am abiding in Light himself.

How sweet, and vast, and refreshing is the love of Christ, that he would walk with me in gritty suffering and mundane days. How great the grace of Jesus that he would desire to know me here, and to pull me closer still. How sustaining his promise that cancer is powerless before him, and in him, even death is LIFE.